Monday, March 15, 2010

learning about myself:

One thing i have to say about community college that i did not expect, I am learning a lot about who I am. I have had many of my opinions about myself reinforced, but I am having to, at the same time, revisit some thoughts. It turns out that I am smart. I always sort of thought so, but i knew that lots of people are smart, and always just assumed that most people were like me. It turns out, this really isn't the case.

Most of us take for granted that we can do certain things, and the assumption being that if we can do them, so can every one else. I am finding that this isn't true.
There are so many things about education that come naturally to me. I find myself truly frustrated with my fellow students lack of similar skill (especially with similar instruction). I am learning that i am less patient than i believed myself to be.
In a classroom with 50 other students, a test designed to take an hour takes me twelve minutes, and i score higher than my fellow learners (in a class that is deemed by the administration to be difficult). In another class, I am told that perhaps I should be held to a different standard, because it would be unfair to my fellow students to try to measure up to my successes, and unfair to my education if i am held to their standard as my skill with the subject matter is greater (yet it is my first class of this type and I have had the same instruction and opportunities that all the other students have had).

So, I am struggling to match the realities of my life with the possibilities of life that i see in my mind. I never realized that other people do not have the same swarming masses of thoughts, that other people don't read Aristotle because our instructor mentions him. I never realized that the things i am capable of doing naturally are a struggle for others. I am not complaining that i have potential, far from it. Really, I am sort of saddened that I never attempted to realize this potential before.

There are many obstacles to overcome, one of many is finding the way to continue financially, but I think I am going to continue my education rather than taking the first stop to a job. If i can find a way, I will continue school, until i have found in me, the place to stop. If i could do anything, it would be to one day reach out and teach other minds like mine. I am not a genius, in fact, until i returned to school I didn't even think i was above average. Bright perhaps, but in a normal kind of way. But, I always had a thirst to know, to understand, to talk it out until i got it... Perhaps, one day i could teach? Perhaps one day i could Preach? Perhaps one day i could lead?

Perhaps, first, i should find out who I am.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Did you also discover that you are completely full of yourself? "oh, woe is me. I am burdened by my great intellect and feel so sorry for the lesser beings in my classes.

You sound like a world class snob