Sunday, April 19, 2009

ack busy

so been busy but figured i better say something quick like.

got lots of homework, school is busy busy busy, plus the house looks like those posters from high school about nuclear winter. and indy had a birthday so did all that. and now i really "should" get busy... i will post some pics of indys birthday a little later. i havent even looked at them yet and his birthday was three days ago!

Friday, April 10, 2009


I've been curious about Phosphate lately. This "thingy" pictured here is a Dragline. It digs out big scoops of dirt and rock. It walks. It is used to mine phosphate. It's pretty impressively huge.

So, why am i ruminating on phosphate mining? No idea. I had these neat pictures from when we toured the mine and i had no idea what phosphate was or why. So i looked it up. click the links if you are interested. or not.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

further frustrations

When it rains it pours.
Do you ever feel like if just one more thing goes wrong you will just lose it?
that's been my last few months.

the newest disappointment?
Well, i was so excited because it looked like i was going to have a job starting in July. I had to take the training (unpaid throughout June, then start work in July). So, i went and did the prereqs to get started. I had to have a vaccination (since when i was little a person only needed one mmr shot, now ya need two). I had to go get a TB test and wait a couple days for a result. While i waited for the result the class filled up and now the job i was counting on is gone. I still might be able to get in if someone else drops out, but i do not have my hopes up because life has been suckin pretty badly, so the odds are not good. the good news i guess is that i don't have TB. i already knew that, but i had to have the test and result before i could turn in my application. So, if Chris doesn't find something soon, we are totally screwed.

so. now what? i just do not know. i know this blog is supposed to be about Indy, not me and my frustrations, but i needed an outlet. i don't feel like i can talk to my usual "support structure" people. I just can't dump my overwhelmed stuff on them. I do not know what answer there is to this. Maybe there isn't one, and i am just destined to forever walk through this life screwed.

at least school seems to be going good.

Friday, April 03, 2009

random social commentary, sort of

Warning: this is not a regular type post for me, here at the State of Indiana... check back later for updates on the family.

Don't mind me.
Some days,
no one does.

Every month, on the 3rd, Chris's mom takes us to lunch at the local Chinese place. We have been doing this for almost 2 years now. Today, brooding upon our life as i have been, i noticed some things that made me very sad. As we turned the corner to pass the mall on our way to pick up Chris's mom for the monthly meal, i noticed two stores closing (within a block of each other)and next to the store closing signs, a homeless man pushing his shopping cart across the street.

Now, i know things wont be so bad as living out of a shopping cart for us, but i cant help feel more emotional for that man than ever before. I feel more deeply for all of the employees of those stores that are closing. I know a girl from one of those shops, went to school with her.

I wonder how this happened? I know all the newsy blurbs, housing bubble, bad mortgages and all that,but really... how did we come to this? Where are all the people who have these bad mortgages and not paying their bills going to go? Are they going to become homeless, or are they just assholes who bought a 500k house on a 200k budget and some p.o.s. banker said "hey, i don't care if you cant pay, we are just going to sell this to some idiot who doesn't know you cant pay"? Who are the greedy bastards who caused this mess? Are we, the people as a whole, responsible for the mess we find ourselves in now, demanding living wages and health insurance and paid coffee breaks, along with filing lawsuits for EVERYTHING (come on, some lady overhearing a dirty joke, not even told to her, but that she eavesdropped on, winning a few mil for sexual harassment... please!?! she was only offended they didn't tell it to her. nosy, my mama always said " don't listen to other people if you don't want to hear what they have to say". coffee on your lap? i didn't know it was going to be hot. its COFFEE for gawds sake, not a milkshake. stupid #&$^%.)? Do you know what that does to insurance rates, and to companies who cant afford to hire people because of those rates? Or are the greedy execs, Enron type fellows all, who hand out bonuses from our tax money to blame? Why are there still CEO types making a mil, while so many shops are closing, so many children are hungry right here in AMERICA? Food banks in Oregon are seeing record numbers of people in need, yet record lows in donations. Are we, as a nation on a witch hunt, resembling 1930s Germany, trying to find someone to blame for our own idiocy? Who's turn is it to play scapegoat? Who is really to blame? Even the local population of illegal migrants is disappearing as jobs disappear. So, i guess it wasn't the Mexicans, hmmm? Several of our friends families have splintered as men follow jobs in other areas, leaving behind wives and children to struggle on as best they can, waiting for the call home, and the letter with money in it. How do we help each other come out of this mess? How do we make sure the guilty parties don't get a chance to do this to us again?

Honestly, i no longer even care who is to blame, i just want to know how to fix it.

How do we create new jobs in this environment of fear? How do we make people and companies feel that it is safe to bet on America again? How do we weed out the corruption of millionaire ceo's and cfo's?

what can i, the individual, caught up in this mess herself, do to help fix it?

Thursday, April 02, 2009

the return and etc

so we are home, and have been for about a week now. we came home to a beautifully clean house, and dinner in the slow cooker... thanks mom. i knew there would be excellent reasons to live across the street from her.

i am back to the school grind, spring term has begun and i am working hard to do well. i think i am well on my way to a successful term.

Chris, well, i haven't said much about what was going on for him. just days before he had to fly to Florida for his dads heart attack and subsequent death, Chris lost his job. so we are struggling to hold on to everything, house payments and car payments and all that crap. sigh.

so, lots of crap happening, just trying to deal with each thing, one at a time and not let myself become overwhelmed. i am being marginally successful at that. marginally.

on a side note, to all of you who knew and loved our blog friend Hoss, we too mourned his passing. i will not be removing his link from my list of blogs i frequent, so if you did not know him, or his wit, hop on over to the old horsetail snake, read his stuff, and say farewell to another great man.