Monday, April 10, 2006

Childhood thrills and ills

Indiana lately can be just plain stubborn. He goes where he wants to go at warp speed! You can holler "stop" all you like, he will just continue along. I suspect selective hearing loss; he only hears what he wants to hear. When you pick him up to turn him around in a more acceptable direction, he kicks his legs the whole way. At least he doesn't scream yet.
It seems we are entering the "terrible twos" and we aren't even ONE yet!! He is not yet talking back, but he IS showing his preferences for everything. He wants to do what he wants regardless of what we want or say. He looks at me when I yell "NO", smiles, and does it anyways. He spends a lot of time gated into his room for offenses like that.
His dad says its time to start swatting him, but I am not ready to go there yet. The idea of hitting him frightens me. Can I know for sure that a swat is to discipline and not because I am so frustrated and angry that I have to hit him? I just don't trust myself, or anyone else, to not cross the fine line between discipline and anger with my children.
I have fought through-out my life, the demons created by parental anger. I have dwelt in the land of spousal abuse and child abuse and I have worked very hard to cross over to the other side. Some days, twenty years later, I still find myself with issues to overcome. I just don't want that for my sons. I want my sons, both of them, to have an excellent childhood, filled with wonder and joy and learning instead of anguish, pain and hatred. So, for now, no swatting of Indiana's behind.

6 comments:

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I agree...that's a tough one you are up against...I would worry about my own anger, too...I can see that it is a true dilemma.

Do email me, my dear...would love to know if you do come down this way...let me know if you don't have my email....I thought I had yours, but I cannot find it. (lol)
Is your Mom okay? Do give her my best. And tell her we miss her posts.

Anonymous said...

Hey, darlin'.. I know what you went through, because we've been friends for going on 18 years now.. and I can say from the bottom of my heart you are one of the most rational, loving parents I know of. I have no doubt that you would NEVER abuse Indy. You are NOT that kind of person. I love you, and you should have that kind of trust in yourself. Besides, even when you do get angry, you talk yourself down, or get one of your friends to. You are a GREAT parent, your past doesn't count when it comes to your parenting ability. You're above that.

Mel

Jen said...

It sounds like you're really putting a lot of thought into this. That's so good to see. It's important to be mindful of why you do what you do as a parent.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

It ain't necessary, Mom. Just gather him up and read him a story. It will take time, but he will start looking forward to it. I hope.

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